Barnacle Brat

is available in both Paperback and e-Book on /

(or any of the many other country-specific amazons!)

Alternatively, if you would like a signed First direct from the author,

(UK addresses only), click the PayPal button below.

[*Only £8.99 - plus £3.29 p&p - book sent by courier]

BARNACLE BRAT is a dark comedy novel for grown-ups . . .

WINNER of INDIE NOVEL OF THE YEAR 2016 (Readers’ Choice) at Underground Book Reviews

Here comes the blurb:

Losing your grip on reality is a real bummer. 

Just ask Leon Blank. Not that he’d know.

Seems those losing their marbles are always the last to find out.

Until recently, Leon would have argued that having a tendency to become easily side-tracked on a regular basis wasn’t that weird. And what’s so unusual about hearing a voice inside your head? Doesn’t everyone? Isn’t that just thinking? But his recent visions are not so freely dismissed; especially the angry-looking clown who’s started following him around with a baseball bat.

Time to act, Leon decides: perhaps keeping a log would shed light on the mystery. Then again, could ‘seeing-things’ just be sexual frustration? It’s been a while! If only he had a girlfriend to take his mind off stuff . . .


Prepare to enter the normally hidden world of delusions, paranoia, and . . . ahem . . . 'unusual interests': Voyeurism; Feederism; Shoes -- that kind of thing.

*Please note: as it says above, this is a novel aimed at grown-ups. It is not for youngsters. Many of the characters use Adult Language; often foul, blasphemous, or sexually charged - on several occasions, all three. And then there's the midgets (yeah, yeah, 'little people' - keep your hair on), the violence, the dogging; and we still haven't mentioned the drugs, teenage prostitutes, that weird nutter who always sits next to you on the bus, exhibitionist neighbours, a serial killer on the loose, pensioners into role-play, cheerleaders who follow you into park toilets and then . . . yes, well, you get the idea. So, yeah - grown-ups only!

Artwork for front cover and frontispiece by Adrian Baldwin

(thanks to Marco Zaffino for his beautiful shading work on the cover)

You can find out more about the artist: Ralf Blickle (aka PISA73) and his excellent artwork here: Pisa73

Fancy reading the first 5 chapters of BARNACLE BRAT, right now?

Well, click the oversized blue button, then. (Remember, GROWN-UPS ONLY please!)

For a signed First to a non-UK address please email:

He'd love to know that readers beyond the UK are interested in his zany Mancunian nonsense.

Expect to receive a personal thank you ...

and a PayPal invoice lovingly filled-in with the shipping rate for your country.